So, for absolute clarity, when this game was announced I had zero interest in it.
Pre-season friendlies are dull enough but friendlies against other Premier League teams are the pits, no novelty value and any positive performances feel like they should have been saved for the real games (not an issue today as it turned out).
The fact that this was an overpriced Ticketmaster event at a seemingly random venue added to the lack of appeal and I looked forward immensely to doing something else instead.
Then events conspired to draw me in.
I was to return from a holiday in Greece the previous day and had the rest of the week off work anyway. Britain was hit with a heatwave that suggested the marvellous beer gardens of the Edinburgh Grass Market would be lovely places to spend an afternoon (certainly better than in the house tackling a heap of holiday laundry and my overgrown lawn). Also, I was intrigued at the suggestion that Murrayfield could be an alternate venue in the event of redevelopment at Newcastle, and wanted to explore the reality of that conspiracy theory.
I broke far too easily and jumped online. Early ticket in and out of Edinburgh for me and my son Blake, the daft Ticketmaster approach meaning it was easy to acquire a ticket for him with no points involved (or awarded unfortunately).
The majority seem to be of the mind that it would be unworkable lunacy to try and have Newcastle United play here, which I’d be inclined to agree with, although I’d emphasise that inconvenience to the fans would be low down the owners list of concerns. If only, say 25,000 season ticket holders and a section of away fans are travelling up, that leaves around 40k tickets to flog at Ticketmaster level prices to Edinburgh’s vast and constant tourist population, for actual Premier League football.
The logistics of the travel are OK as a one off, Newcastle to Edinburgh is a nice old train ride. An hour and a half isn’t bad at all, although the 7am train was more serene than having someone’s bum in your face for the duration of a midday football special would be.
I got there early so I could take Blake round the city, visiting the castle and having a bimble down the Royal Mile where the various street magicians and comedians were peddling their wares as part of the ongoing Fringe festival. Satisfied that the lad had seen enough to make it an experience, I dragged him off down the many steps to the aforementioned Grass Market. Here’s where it got complicated.
The first bar we visited advised that Blake could only be there if he was eating, but a bag of crisps would suffice. No problem, although it seemed like I was set to rack up £50 on McCoys across the course of the day. The next pub however, didn’t bat an eyelid at Blake’s presence. The third wasn’t having him at all and by the fourth I’d just resorted to telling him to hide while I went to the bar. The conspiracy theorist in me thought of the many lads and dads who would want to do similar on any given matchday and how confusion reigning wasn’t ideal.
We elected to wander to Murrayfield, a decision that proved awkward when it turned out that Everton had decided to a) camp at two designated pubs en route instead of exploring the wider city like us and b) seemingly take the game a bit serious given the heckling we got when our colours hovered into view. I think they’re all a bit frustrated as they continue in their fourth decade without a trophy…
There were alternatives to get to the ground by tram or even make the shorter walk from Haymarket train station, so Murrayfield isn’t difficult to get to, but having accessed the outer turnstile it quickly became apparent that the game was being played under Scottish FA rules of nary a drop of alcohol served in the stadium, as opposed to Scottish rugby regulations of watching the game with a pint, or even the English FA approach of nipping off for one in the concourse when the game got too desperate and upsetting to watch. How exactly is one supposed to navigate a pre-season friendly under these draconian measures?
Photo by Jamie Smith via The Mag
Having taken our seats for kick off, it quickly became apparent that there was a flaw in the whole Ticketmaster approach. The Newcastle United end was populated with the sort of diehards who would be there for any game anywhere and a good crowd of rarely attending members of the wider fanbase, with plenty of Scottish accents around us, taking advantage of what may be a rare chance to see United live, perhaps the exact dynamic for growing the fanbase that the club openly subscribes to. There was also the occasional committed journalist looking to explore the logistics of a wild conspiracy theory and avoid doing some washing, but this may have been a small percentage.
The clash between the two main groups quickly became apparent. As the game kicked off I remained standing, only to get a shock when everyone around me started to sit. Being in a different environment had led me to assume an “away game” approach where the seat is only utilised if you fancy a half time rest, but I quickly realised this was a pre-season meander and the populace of kids, old folks and casuals weren’t up for 90 minutes of standing and shouting.
Given I wasn’t too invested in the whole friendly business, I joined them in parking my backside. Some were not as willing to make allowances for the growing audience though and a stubborn pocket of fans stood throughout the first half while bemused folks around them sat trying to catch glimpses of the match in the gaps between them. I had a small older lady behind me and wasn’t about to just ruin her experience with my 6ft 4 frame, so Blake and I found an unguarded barrier to lean on for the opening 45.
Photo by Jamie Smith via The Mag
The game was predictably underwhelming, but United had what may pass as a first XI starting, with Joelinton taking the armband vacated by his departed compatriot. The duo of Joe and Bamba in midfield did not work though, and I’d suggest it’s an either/or for the year ahead. United had the lion’s share of possession in the opening and I had just written a message to mates saying we were on top when the trademark terrible concession occurred. Botman utterly misjudged his tackle and let Barry skip away, only for an heroic intervention from Lewis Hall to snuff out the danger. The ball broke back to Everton with rookie right back Leo Shahar AWOL, and Barry took his second opportunity despite Hornicek getting a hand to it.
Hornicek looks the part so far and he made a second quality stop of the game moments later from Ndiaye, only for Everton to recycle again and Joelinton’s nothing challenge on Dewsbury-Hall seeing a soft penalty awarded that would have had me incandescent with rage in a regular season game. Instead I just checked over my shoulder to assess what the alternatives to beer were on offer for a half time break that may come in advance of the 45 minute mark. Ndiaye scored the pen and you had to worry about a demoralising scoreline in spite of the lack of reward.
Photo by Jamie Smith via The Mag
Jaissle changed the entire outfield ten for the second half, perhaps a factor in the end result as Everton played a fairly settled starting eleven until making changes in the final quarter. Their experimenting with the sub keeper was surely down to Pickford’s late return from the World Cup but this aside it was probably their starting team for the Prem next week.
Everyone was sat down and sobering up now. Everton made it three when George scampered clear of an extremely green back four of U21 players and finished inside the near post. Blake started obsessing over the alleged eclipse which should have been visible above the stand to our left. It was obscured by clouds and the effect of things just seeming a bit overcast led to Blake repeatedly asking when the eclipse was going to start. I fear he may be asking the same question about Newcastle’s season in the weeks ahead.
There was some small cheer as Harvey Barnes volleyed in Murphy’s cross to add a dab of respectability to a score sheet I had feared spiralling out of control. It would be encouraging to think that Everton have wasted a win against us and we could be better off by showing up for the league matches, but today was more about alarm bells ringing.
Hornicek looks solid. Toure seems good and Sean Steur oozes class. However, the team as a whole looks unsettled, inexperienced and lacking leadership. The return of Dan Burn will plug that last gap but it feels like we are still about four signings short. Prior to Barnes’ goal the only sights of goal were a wild high effort from Wissa and a run and shot from Elanga in the early exchanges. Both look slightly better than last season’s ghosts but they and others need to show a lot more. The manager figuring out a way to get the best of our Nick Woltemade would be intensely helpful as well, as United continue to pontificate around the box without seemingly having a plan to shoot/score.
Photo by Jamie Smith via The Mag
It’s a familiar old story then, and one with sad echoes to my trip north of the border last year, when the weather in Glasgow wasn’t nearly as nice and Alexander Isak’s no-show set off the string of events that would see the club implode. Speaking to fellow fans in the pubs and trains on the way home there is a desperate air and a real fear of a relegation fight. General consensus is that the manager should choose one of the weekend games and use that to field the starting team he has planned for Liverpool. Hopefully they resemble something approaching a team and we can take some crumbs of comfort from the final pair of friendlies.
Hmm, more friendlies. I’m going to them as well, I’m such a sucker for a day in the sun. At least there’s not a 90 minute train ride for the home games. Yet.
Photo by Jamie Smith via The Mag
Final Score
Everton 3 Newcastle United 1
Goals
Everton: Barry 27, Ndiaye 36 pen, George 73
Newcastle United: Barnes 85
Newcastle United (first half): Lukáš Horníček, Lewis Hall, Sven Botman, Joelinton (c), Aladji Bamba, Yoane Wissa, William Osula, Malick Thiaw, Bazoumana Touré, Anthony Elanga, Leo Shahar
Newcastle United (second half): Lukáš Horníček, Harvey Barnes, Sean Steur, Jacob Murphy, Nick Woltemade, Joe Willock, Dylan Charlton, Jacob Ramsey, Miodrag Pivaš, Henry Johnson, Mason Miley
Subs not used: Mark Gillespie, Aidan Harris, Rory Finneran, Sean Neave
Newcastle United schedule:
Saturday 15 August 2026
Newcastle United v Bayer Leverkusen friendly at St James’ Park, 3pm.
Sunday 16 August 2026
Newcastle United v Strasbourg friendly at St James’ Park, 4pm.
Sunday 23 August 2026
Newcastle v Liverpool 4.30pm – United’s first Premier League match of the season