Thanks to Dr Tottenham for yet another cure

There has been a lot gone on today, that’s for sure. The back story to this one for me starts in Manchester in March.

I had taken my son Blake to his second Newcastle United away game, following a 2-1 defeat at Chelsea with then the same scoreline at the Etihad.

As we made our way out of the ground, Blake turned to me and asked, with the innocence of youth: “Dad, next time we go away, can we go and see them play someone bad?”

I had to laugh, and try to explain to Blake that there were no such guarantees when it came to Newcastle away from home, plus his attendance is based on chance. Blake’s lack of away points means he’s basically a stand by for the event that one of my mates puts in for a game he subsequently can’t make.

It just so happened this occurred for this match. So, as it transpires young fella with the away day blues: Dr Tottenham will see you now.

We got an early start at Central so I could do some London stuff with him, a wander to the London Eye and a VR Squid Game in Covent Garden but it turned out his favourite thing would be from an unexpected source.

Regular followers on The Mag may be aware that Blake has developed a bit of an obsession with Knox Hydrate, resulting in me snuffling out a few tins to fill our fridge at home to complement the tins he smashes at every home game.

When we called into the Dolphin, the famous Newcastle United supporters pub by Kings Cross, he was ecstatic to find out that the owners of Knox had set up at the bar and demanded a photo with the lads. They were happy to oblige but the news was even better for the assembled Geordie hordes. Knox had put their card behind the bar and drinks (of the alcoholic, not hydration nature) were on the club sponsors.

Old habits die hard and I made a beeline to fill my boots at the bar, but I managed to collect my journalistic integrity long enough to grab a few words with Knox founder Ethan Hughes, which you can hear on this week’s Mag Podcast. I hope I’ve adequately disguised the “free beer glee” in my voice.

Having reluctantly dragged myself away from the magnificent pub we set off for the former White Hart Lane. In the past I’ve taken a stroll from Seven Sisters and dapped in and out of the pubs en route but the threat of thunderstorms meant Northumberland Park felt a better option, added to the fact that I’d stayed at The Dolphin for as long as humanly possible.

The Your Company’s Name Here Stadium is an impressive sight all right, but the extensive reconstruction has done nowt to stop you having to walk round the surrounding back alleys to find the secret passage that lets you in, like finding your way to Diagon Alley from the back of the Leaky Cauldron. We got inside the looming grey monster and a game that could tell you a lot about the season ahead was underway.

The first half was, in my opinion, a fine example of what the new Newcastle United might bring. Chances were extremely limited but the opposition looked cowed as United had solid possession without ever losing their shape. Spurs did have the better opportunities to be fair, but some lads stood up today.

I’m going to say that Lukas Hornicek proved what an essential signing he’s been here in a 45 minute interval where either of last season’s keepers would have seized the opportunity to concede a daft goal or three. Horni dived full length to save from Tel and stood strong to beat away Robertson’s effort, but it was the point blank save from Van Hecke’s header that stood out for me. Last year a static Ramsdale was watching that fly in while defenders heads dropped and a distraught Bruno collapsed in a heap in the centre circle.

United making it to half-time relatively comfortable was a big part of this result. The positives were there to see, as Nico Gonzalez had instantly endeared himself by leaving Tonali in a crumpled heap (yellow) before looking far the more influential midfielder. This midfield comparison was to prove critical in settling the game.

If there’s a scale that measures catharsis, this goal would have broken the needle. The ball that Nico Gonzalez pinged out to the right wing from deep inside his own half was utterly magnificent. I might have an issue but I could just watch that ball over and over again. The fact it was delivered onto the head of Amar Dedic, who I can only conclude is a T-1000 model from Terminator from the way he has blasted his way through multiple opponents and into favourite new player territory, made it all the sweeter. But hang on, there’s an extra sprinkling of sugar to add. Elanga latched on to Dedic’s header but he was closely marshalled by £100 million worth of Tonali. Oh hang on, Tonali has looked a bit lackadaisical and Elanga has turned him easily and ping! It’s in off the post. Elanga’s Thierry Henry celebration delighted Blake (about three feet away), but was less endearing for the home fans.

Tottenham are one of those teams where taking the lead is like a clincher. The horribly, embarrassingly oversold Spurs collapsed like a clump of wet newspaper left outside a north London pub because it didn’t have the right colours on. There was the thick end of half an hour left and I felt fully confident Newcastle would win. De Zerbi has absolutely had them, by masquerading as a transformational manager before just doing the usual Spurs thing.

Number two arrived ten minutes later to entirely seal the deal. Hall’s deep corner was won by Woltemade against two Spurs players and dropped neatly for Wissa to drop and steer an overhead kick into the net. The redemption arc is looking tremendous for more than one of last summer’s signings and while the naysayers of Howe may well point out the upturn under Jaissle, they may have to contemplate a scenario where absolutely none of the signings made during his tenure turned out to be less than mint.

Tottenham pretended to try but the Spurs fans soon started drifting off. They’ve seen this before as Spurs will enter September still searching for only their second home win of the calendar year. We may need to be careful in wishing for the exalted surroundings of a shiny new ground. The undoubted highlight of Spurs second half was a free kick attempted by a serious contender for their biggest waste of money, Mathys Tel. This looked threatening when awarded but Tel preceded to belt it so comically, inexcusably high over the bar it was in danger of knocking that cockerel off its ball. One can only assume he’s courting the NFL given their vital role in maintaining Tottenham’s capacity to waste money on the likes of him.

The whistle went to memorable scenes. Jaissle’s first PL win (I was there) and a sense of connection between the away end and the celebrating players and staff that was a throwback to great times of recent memory.

By my reckoning that’s three straight wins here. I’m not sure we’ve done that in consecutive seasons before in Premier League history but the challenge is set for one of my co-hosts to research this. I think it’s five wins and a draw from the eight appearances so far at Insert Naming Rights Please!!! Stadium which means we have the second best record there behind the Jacksonville Jaguars.

I’d like to thank everyone who made today great fun. The lads from Knox, Mickey Bell, Lewis Hall for being man of the match, Gonzalez for the pass and Jaissle for the steely eyed determination that makes me believe the good times for this season will extend far beyond a well-worked win at a basket case club. Time to raise our game as we have a serious top half side up next in Bournemouth, let’s hope Jaissle can shatter the curse that seemed to follow Howe when this lot turned up. We’re in a top four place and let’s keep it.

Finally, thanks to Dr Tottenham for yet another cure. My boy is a great away day pal and you gave him his first big grin. I’m more grateful for that than the hundred million.

Tottenham 0 Newcastle 2 – Saturday 29 August 2026 5.30pm

Match Stats

Goals:

Newcastle United:

Elanga 62, Wissa 72

Spurs:

Possession was Newcastle 43% Spurs 57%

Total shots were Newcastle 11 Spurs 17

Shots on target were Newcastle 2 Spurs 6

Corners were Newcastle 7 Spurs 9

Touches in the opposition box Newcastle 21 Spurs 32

Newcastle United team v Tottenham:

Hornicek, Dedic, Thiaw, Botman, Hall, Lewis Miley, Gonzalez (Steur 71), Elanga (Murphy 82), Barnes (Toure 93), Willock (Woltemade 71), Wissa (Ramsey 82)

Unused subs:

Jaouen, Schar, Bamba, Shahar

Source