Welcome to my ideal final Premier League day of the season.
Where all our dreams come true, kind of.
Yes, it is finally here, the very last day of this 58 game Newcastle United season and a match away at Craven Cottage against Fulham.
The fates have decreed that not a lot rests on the final NUFC match of the season this time, only a question of whether Newcastle United end up 9th, 10th, 11th, 12th, 13th or 14th by the time we get to 6pm today.
Elsewhere though is a different matter in these final Premier League matches of the season.
For starters, this is how the Premier League table looks on Sunday (24 May 2026) morning:
These are the ten matches in the last round of Premier League games with all of them kicking off at 4pm on Sunday.
Brighton v Man U
Burnley v Wolves
Palace v Arsenal
Fulham v Newcastle United
Liverpool v Brentford
Man City v Villa
Forest v Bournemouth
Sunderland v Chelsea
Tottenham v Everton
West Ham v Leeds
Starting off at the bottom
My dream scenario seeing Jordan Pickford sent off in the first minute but Spurs still managing to lose to Everton.
Then with the Spurs match completed and their fans waiting to hear confirmation that West Ham have failed to beat Leeds, with the last kick of their match it sees Callum Wilson scoring to keep the Hammers up and Spurs go down by one point. Hilarious.
Champions League
Here goes for my perfect scenario with this.
Arsenal, Man City, Man U and Aston Villa are already guaranteed Champions League football via their Premier League places. Aston Villa needing to finish fifth (fourth won’t do) to then mean sixth place will also get Champions League qualification due to Villa’s Europa League final win.
So my dream scenario is Aston Villa to win at Manchester City today. Villa would then be guaranteed fourth place and so no Champions League qualification for the club that finishes sixth.
Then Bournemouth win 6-0 at Forest with news of that final result reaching Anfield and Liverpool trailing 1-0 to Brentford. A penalty then awarded and this to be the last kick of the match, if it is scored Liverpool qualify for the Champions League in fifth, if it doesn’t go in then Bournemouth end up fifth on goal difference and get UCL qualification instead. Up steps Alexander Isak and blazes the ball high and wide into the Kop.
Newcastle United, Sunderland and the other European (and Premier League) places
Bournemouth are guaranteed to get either Champions League or Europa League, four other clubs can get Europa League, Conference League or nothing.
These clubs are Brighton, Chelsea, Brentford and Sunderland. Sunderland would get Europa League if they beat Chelsea AND Brentford fail to win at Liverpool AND Brighton lose at home to Man U. Sunderland are guaranteed at least Conference League if they beat Chelsea AND Brentford lose at Liverpool. Sunderland’s poor goal difference means that a draw can’t give them European football.
So my dream scenario here would see Brentford winning at Anfield (thanks to that Alexander Isak last kick penalty miss) and then Sunderland scoring and leading from the very first minute, only for Chelsea to score in the final seconds for a draw. No Europe for Sunderland.
With Chelsea only getting a point, Brighton getting a late goal to draw against Man U would then mean Chelsea also totally missing out on Europe.
Liverpool would be sixth and Brentford seventh, both getting Europa League. Brighton would finish eighth and get Europa Conference.
Newcastle United then winning 6-0 (or more) at Fulham to ensure a lovely day out on the Thames and at Craven Cottage for our travelling fans. Having Brentford win at Liverpool would mean I’d have sacrificed the chance of NUFC finishing 9th, which I could live with.
However, the end result of Sunderland drawing, Newcastle and Everton winning, would see Eddie Howe’s side finish 10th, the Scouse Mackems in 11th, the Mackems in 12th.
Newcastle United crowned North-East Top Dogs for a ninth season in a row and we all get drunk. The end.