Time to prove Mikhail Bakunin right via “maths”, ladies and gents.
(ED: For the uninitiated, Mikhail Bakunin was a Russian anarchist and one of his most famous quotes is “The urge to destroy is also a creative urge”)
There are 19 teams to play against twice in this 2026/27 Premier League season and I have divided them into two categories.
The first consists of Arsenal, Manchester City, Liverpool, Manchester United and Aston Villa. Against those five, I would happily take a defeat away and a draw at home. That would give us five points.
The second consists of the remaining fourteen clubs. Against those, I would be aiming to win every home match and draw every away one. That works out at 42 points from the home games and another 14 from the away ones, giving us 56.
Add the two together and you arrive at 61 points. Now, since that is the theoretical ceiling, we most probably will not reach it. We finished on 49 last season and Liverpool finished fifth with 60. However, if we can get somewhere close to that total, perhaps around 53 points, we should get a Conference League ticket as per last season’s Premier League outcomes.
Then we go and win the Conference League and add another trophy to the cabinet.
Even dreaming and writing about lifting a European trophy excites me enough to feel like wearing my 1996 Ginola shirt whilst writing the rest of this article. Perhaps I should gift that one to our friend Sandro and buy myself the barcode Sean Steur shirt instead. Alas, I do not own a Guivarc’h 1998 one.
But I digress. Back to business.
Eddie’s gone and as the new guy was 10 years old when I first won Serie A as the manager of Sampdoria in Championship Manager 3, I feel like offering some tactical advice.
I would expect the utilisation of a counter-attacking, space-exploiting 4-5-1 for all away matches, as well as the five home fixtures against the aforementioned clubs. For the remaining home games, where we should be on the front foot, I would switch to a 4-3-3.
So, how does our squad fit into that?
Having hunted down Pope, Titus Oates-style, we got the new Cech and the new Courtois at the price of the new David James. Brilliant.
At centre-back, I do consider myself happy. Botman and Thiaw would be the starters, with Big Dan providing backup and there’s also Schär who is strong once more. We are not playing in Europe, so four senior centre-backs should suffice. At worst, we sign another defender in January if necessary or promote a promising academy lad.
At full-back, Hall and Livramento have the potential to become top-class players, Dedic was solid for Benfica and there’s always Big Dan. Another signing certainly would not hurt but, well, it’s not that bad either.
In Bamba, we finally got ourselves a proper ball-winning midfielder, someone who can recover possession and immediately release the ball, either into the channels or with a simple pass to a more creative teammate. Steur is class, and with either Joe or Miley being the third, we can have a decent midfield for the games where we go with 4-3-3. There’s also Ramsey, who will have the chance to become a starter until the younger lads adjust and so on.
On the wings, Elanga and Touré are explosive, have an excellent work rate and can contribute defensively as well. They are perfectly suited to the 4-5-1, where we will largely be playing on the counter and there should be plenty of space for them to exploit.
Since neither is exactly the epitome of a clinical finisher, the home matches are a different story. There, in the attacking 4-3-3, where we should be creating plenty of chances and expected goals, Barnes becomes a very attractive option because he is absolutely lethal in front of goal. Imagine the numbers he might have produced had he taken our penalties last season. Ultimately, though, it depends on form. It is the manager’s job to pick whoever is performing best in training.
Up front, this may sound like sacrilege, but Yoane Wissa still gives me Andy Cole vibes. More importantly, he is the only natural striker in the squad. I believe in him and trust that, with the right support and confidence, he can score twenty league goals.
Osula is the closest thing we have to Alexander Isak. With Eddie Howe gone, we lost the chance to improve him; thus, he will never be more than a backup. Perhaps we could even try him on the wing in the attacking 4-3-3 against theoretically weaker opposition at home.
I absolutely love Nick Woltemade. He is gifted, he is tall and he offers something different. With Eddie, he did not fit in, but now under his freund he’s definitely going to get more chances. I could see him leading the line in the defensive 4-5-1, playing with his back to goal and bringing the wingers into the game. He could also operate as a second striker whenever we desperately need a goal or simply come in if Wissa is out of form.
Overall, I genuinely believe this squad is good enough to achieve a Europa League or Conference League place. With a favourable draw and a little luck, I also see no reason why we could not challenge for the domestic cups as well.
Then, next year, perhaps we go and win a European trophy, celebrate so enthusiastically that we accidentally destroy St James’ Park and thus force the PIF to build a new stadium that would be capable of generating the non-football revenue we should have been discussing instead of speculating.
That, however, is a topic for another article.