One minute I’m 13 years old, a Newcastle United fan invading the St James’ Park pitch wearing my oversized Parka, then the next I find myself eating fruit scones in a Ponteland Garden centre, choosing my herbaceous perennials.
It comes to us all, it’s called getting old.
Another inevitable result of getting old is the realisation that your house is full of stuff that is completely pointless.
The wife says that includes me, which is a bit harsh.
Every now and then I dare to tackle the junk piled up in the garage.
This time I discover a computer printer and an exercise bike that I have never been on.
I also come across a box full of extremely dirty video cassettes.
The truth is that I have been here before and once again I just can not bring myself to throw them into the boot of the car.
As I’m putting them back into the garage roof, my wife comes in and shouts at me:
“For God’s sake, will you throw that rubbish away”
“Its not rubbish pet, these mean something to me “
“Answer me one question, do we own a video recorder?”
“We haven’t had a video recorder for over a decade”
I get that look as she walks off muttering.
So the day has finally come. I realise that my cherished collection of Newcastle United videos have to go.
If you are of a similar age to me, then I have a feeling that back in the 90s you may have done the trip to Woolworths to spend your money on the likes of 10 out of 10 or The Entertainers.
The price is still on the cover of many of these. Google says the average wage was £15k back then , so £10.99 was a fair chunk of cash. It was the equivalent of seven pints of lager.
In those days I was addicted to buying football videos. Anything remotely connected with Newcastle United goes without saying , but also the likes of Match of the Day 1970s, or the history of the Football League.
All on display in the front room cabinet.
Photo by Jinky Jim via The Mag
If my wife could have a Ladro clown figurine, I could have Gavin Peacock on display.
Before the days of YouTube, videos were vital in order to watch Micky Quinn score four on his debut again. I say again, but I’m the guy who had walked out of that match at half-time when we were 2-1 down, so I didn’t see them live. It’s a long story involving hundreds of Leeds fans being in the Milburn stand.
Of course, I would also record every bit of Newcastle United footage off the telly, which means I have a lot of Roger Tames or Mike Neville introducing one minute highlights from the evening news.
For me back then a football video would be the staple Xmas present, although just why my mother in law once chose to give me series four of Hi-de-Hi remains a mystery.
Of all these tapes, one stands out. The “So Close” video of 1996.
While I obviously purchased it, I honestly don’t think I ever had the courage to watch It. Even now, I don’t think I could bring myself do so. It would be too painful.
After all It’s only been 30 years, and I have just about forgiven Graham Fenton, without watching him score at Ewood Park again.
Photo by Jinky Jim via The Mag
So, with a heavy heart, my big stash of videos found themselves in the back seat of the car, heading to landfill.
Except when I got to the tip, they didn’t come out the car. They found themselves coming back home with me. I couldn’t do it.
So I’m now looking online for refurbished video recorders, with 150 quid seeming to be the going rate.
But it’s got to be worth it, hasn’t it?